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I need to put this somewhere. maybe bury it deep, deep down in my great big pile of nothingness.

January 18, 2011

I hate myself.

I am a weak person.

I am a conformist.

I give in to temptation.

I criticize others.

I hate my life.

I have ruined my chances at happiness.

I pretend I am someone I’m not.

I hate myself.

I find other’s flaws too easily.

I am hypocritical.

I should try harder.

I should not be afraid.

I should be better.

I am ungrateful.

I hate myself.

I do not deserve another chance.

Edit: I wrote this and then realized I needed to explain. What? You’ll see. To whom? Myself because that’s who I writing to and for.  So…I have recently made a mistake in my life. It could just blow over or it could destroy some of my dreams. Or I’m just being a drama queen. But anyways I had to write how much I felt about this to myself. And I put it here because then it won’t count as being kept bottled up inside. I did have suicidal thoughts when I wrote this message, but they are mainly gone now. Truly, I hope keeping this here will keep me from making the same mistake again.

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. dancinerd permalink
    January 19, 2011 9:58 pm

    Maddie, are you alright??? This is beautiful, and I really mean it. The words flowed so well together, I loved reading it. But it’s scaring me… just a bit. If you need to talk, don’t hesitate. Love ya! ❤

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